For grieving moms and women in general:
I once lost a marriage in part due to grief. As you know by now, my life has been messy. It wasn't over estrangement, but rather a custody battle. My oldest sons’ father decided to sue me for complete custody seven years after our divorce (it didn't end up happening in the end). I was newly married, and my husband (who I found out had a major rage problem) couldn't handle my despair, the crying, the staying up all night writing declarations for my attorney, and I guess my lack of attentiveness. It was especially wounding because he presented himself to me--and even to my parents--as my knight in shining armor. The custody battle lasted a year and a half, my marriage 13 months.
What I have come to realize, and this likely does not fit everyone's situation, but often men feel inadequate and not good enough when they can't be the knight in shining armor, can't fix something because it's just too big. A man with a fragile ego will mask his bruised self-image with offense. A man with a solid, healthy ego might get supremely frustrated, but will not fall apart inside when he can't solve a problem, especially if he has a relationship with God. I suspect that your husband is actually mad at himself for not being able to make you happy, but also mad at you for "making him feel that way." Does that make sense?
Today I am deliriously happily married. I don't hide my grief from my husband, but I don't always take it to him either. That's what my friends in my parents of prodigals group are !!! My current husband is not the father of my children. He married a life partner to enjoy and be good company, not a train wreck. Granted, I am a whole lot further into my journey and healing than I was back in the days of that failed marriage.
We all have different trajectories for processing grief. If you are a wife with a husband who is tired and angry with your grieving, I would just continue making a respectful request of your husband to be patient and understanding with you. While there are arguably exceptions, I do think mothers and women are wired by God to be relationship-oriented, so damage to our primary relationships devastates us to the core in ways that many men cannot grasp. They compartmentalize their lives in ways we are not able to do. That's why they can do war and clean up the dead family pet from the middle of the road and we can't. God made us different for a reason, because those differences are necessary for life to work right. The more we can learn to appreciate, defend, and be sensitive to those differences, the richer a marriage can be.