This last weekend, I attended the most wonderful conference. Feeling very heart-full, I posed the question to a small group of us who had dinner together afterward: "What was your favorite part of the conference?" A young man at the table, maybe 18 years old, who was sitting across from his father, replied when it was his turn, "I think my favorite part was hanging out with my Dad."
I almost burst into tears. Because so many young boys yearn for that father-son connection, and don't get it.
After dinner, our group visited a local park and explored the breathtaking beauty there. I couldn't help but watch this father and son walking along the path in their own private bubble, talking and laughing as if no one else was around. It moved me deeply, maybe because of my own longing as a daughter, what I witnessed in my sons' experiences, and because of the many people I meet with in my counseling practice who carry deep father wounds.
The importance of fathers is downplayed in our culture. Both mothers and fathers often wrongly conclude that fathers aren't as needed as mothers in the raising of children, their emotional and spiritual development, and the formation of a healthy sense of identity. Divorce breaks up families, parent alienation divides and conquers, and physical distance robs fathers of the opportunities necessary to build a close bond with their children. The demands of work and taking care of all the household "stuff," exhaustion, and other distractions impede connection. And so does apathy and a lack of socialization in many fathers’ own lives. Too many dads also lacked a close attachment with their own fathers, and have no idea how to build one. Rather than ask questions or seek to learn, a portion of these men turn their heads and hide from the responsibility.
As Father's Day approaches, I am thinking about all the dads whose relationships with both sons and daughters are not in a good place. Perhaps not absent, but maybe distant or strained. Many fathers will not be acknowledged or receive any contact from their kids on this day that is set apart for them. I know this hurts, regardless of where the fault lies. It is unfortunate that today's children and young adults often ignore this annual opportunity to honor their imperfect Dad and express some semblance of gratitude or love. It often falls on mothers and wives to arrange get-togethers, celebrations, or even phone calls that otherwise wouldn't even happen.
Dads, unfortunately you might need to take the high road on Father's Day and reach out to your son or daughter, rather than waiting for your child to reach out to you. Invite your child to lunch, go biking or fishing, or even just connect through a phone call or letter. When looking through a Kingdom lens, it's not about "deserving" anything, but about what kind of impact you want to make in the lives of people while you can.
“As far as it depends on you, be at peace with everyone." (Romans 18:21) Invite, plan, connect. Don't let this moment pass you by! If you're in a no-contact situation, lift your prayers to our understanding and loving God, who fully understands what it is to have prodigal children and weak or broken relationships with them, and then go do something you enjoy in honor of Father's Day and being a father.