What Were You Doing When He Attacked?

This morning I listened to the First15 podcast from a few days ago, about seeking God in solitude. This song was the featured worship. I wrestled with it at first, thinking "NO! This is not my experience! This is HARD, not effortless." But then as I let the words wash over me, and meditated on them, I reflected on some realities. "When You're this close" is not about God being close or not close, for the Bible is clear on that subject. Rather, it's my perception of His nearness, which has everything to do with what I am or am not doing to spend time with Him.

I am just coming out on the other side of a pretty significant battle. One of the questions I have learned to ask myself when I finally realize that I have been attacked by the adversary is, "What were you doing when he attacked?" That will usually provide the answer to what he is trying to distract me from and get me to stop doing. What I was doing this time is I was hot and heavy in intercessory prayer. I had a designated prayer closet (Tyler's old room) and it was a place of incredible power and peace. I was walking around the lakes near my home, interceding. I was worshipping. I was listening to Karen Wheaton on Wednesdays and the World Prayer Network calls on Sundays. I was on FIRE!!!! The first hit was I lost my prayer closet because my step-son moved into it. Then a cascade of other things started crowding out and/or distracting me from my spiritual life and practices. The "want to" started to wane and guilt and condemnation crept in, until I was I pretty depressed and mad at myself.

But God is faithful, isn't He? In various ways, He has reminded me that this load I am carrying and the peace I'm craving....it IS effortless when I carve out the time daily to seek Him in solitude. There have been so, so many times when I entered my prayer closet with grief so big I thought I might die, or frustration so overwhelming I couldn't imagine being able to move forward, but then after just a little time in His presence I came out refreshed, empowered, and able to get through the next 24 hours triumphantly.

I am thankful for the support network I am a part of, where I am able to have a sounding board, share in a common journey, and hear from God through others. It is in part because of this important facet of being part of the Body of Christ that I am able to stay in the saddle on this very, very messy journey.

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching. (Hebrews 10:23-25)