Some Christians suffer in protracted agony because of their belief it's a sin to leave. Some Christians come to my office requesting help to be stronger so they can cope with the abuse better because they're not, in fact, coping well. Why does anyone think habitual cruelty should be tolerated? Since when is destructive behavior perpetrated against another human being not as gross of a sin or grosser than the sin of divorce?
Does God expect you to turn the other cheek and endure it, though it crushes your soul, or your children's souls, on the regular? Can you pray away someone's choices in bad behavior in time to prevent lasting damage to yourself and your kids? Tell me how trashed lives glorify God?
The Bible says we are to give NO PLACE TO THE DEVIL, give no foothold to him, which includes the works of the devil to incite sin that winds up stealing, killing, and destroying. The works of the devil degrade humanity morally, physically, intellectually, socially, and spiritually. (James 4:7, Ephesians 4:27, 1 John 3:8, John 10:10)
And if you were to divorce, who really divorced who? In their heart? Could it be that the divorce has already occurred in one person's heart, if they were ever married in the first place?
Well-known counselor, author, and YouTuber, Leslie Vernick, aids deciding when to get out with these three simple qualifiers:
Is the relationship....
Difficult?
Disappointing?
Destructive?
Difficult and disappointing may be challenging, may fall far short of what you dreamed of, and may possibly be grounds for separating--but not for divorce. Destructive is on a whole other level.
And you don't have to file for a divorce to insist on physical and/or emotional safety.*** You don't have to be rude and hurtful, you don't have to cut off the relationship entirely (with exceptions, for sure!), you don't have to stop praying for the other person or for the relationship to be healed. You can simply move to safety, where your dwelling will be your sanctuary once again. Take some time to pray in peace, perhaps sort things out, and consider your options. Christian counseling with a therapist that knows and follows the Bible and who is also TRAINED in domestic abuse can be helpful when your head is super noisy and you are bound up in grief, anger, and fear.
Share this with your friend who needs it.
*** A legal separation is often a wise alternative that secures legal protections, including economic.