About disrespect.
Disrespect today is possibly on a whole other level from generations past, in that it's much more common.
When you are listening to a mom or dad who laments that their son or daughter is disrespectful, let me give you a prime example of what many parents are dealing with today. This will perhaps open your eyes to the level of anguish thousands, if not millions of parents are experiencing:
A mom I know was recently told by her adult kid, "I hope you die!" This is just one "disrespectful" statement out of many spoken to his parents in the last few years.
Shortly after, he asked her for money. She ignored his demanding and nasty texts at first. Finally she told him she would not participate anymore in conversations that were disrespectful or hateful, but that she is willing to talk again when he can speak kindly.
Here's the response she got:
"You seriously just waiting for me to die?? Put aside your pissy bull"bleep" and help me. Bleep"ing deadbeats"
A parent's brain and nervous system sort of goes "TILT" when they hear this type of thing from a child whom they deeply love and have invested so much in. And more often than not the emotional assault is not an isolated incident. The most damaging and destablizing words ever spoken to a person are often from their children.
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More from Dr. Coleman, and others:
"WHY AM I BEING SO DISRESPECTED?"
Here are some for sure and also some possible reasons:
Parents who have made mistakes with their children may be confused about how much of their children's anger they deserve and how much they don't
Some parents have a hard time distinguishing abuse from appropriate anger
Some parents struggle to set limits without shutting down the conversation
Some parents fail to allow expression of feelings without being walked on and encouraging contempt
Confusion based on a correct or incorrect perception that the nature of the anger/criticism is outside the parent- estranged child relationship such as when it's fueled by a DIL/SIL or other invested family member
Some parents don't know how to manage the inevitable feelings of sadness, guilt, regret, or rage that are evoked after a conflict with an abusive or disrespectful adult child, so their reactions and responses illicit more disrespect
Parents who have low self-esteem or confusion based on their own childhoods or earlier experiences may be confused about how much they're allowed to limit anyone's mistreatment of them
The culture encourages children to disrespect their parents
The enemy has set up ambushes in an attempt to destroy families and individuals (including YOU)